Family Values
DISCOVERING YOUR FAMILY VALUES: A 5 STEP PROCESS
An essential part of my work with parents is linking actions with values. Values are at the heart of how we relate to our children. They form the foundation for our actions and expectations. When expectations are not followed and consequences come into play, you can link them to your values, creating a clear picture for your children.
What are family values?
Values refer to the beliefs or ideas that are important to us. Core family values are beliefs and ideas that are shared between family members.
The family values you identify get to the core purpose and role of YOUR family in the world.
These values shape your lives, guide your decisions, and provide a solid foundation in a world that’s always changing.
They help children make good choices, and they solidify your family bond.
Why are family values important?
Family values shape our character. We learn how to show respect and empathy and how to become caring and compassionate human beings.
They guide our decisions, helping us make ethical choices. Family values provide a moral compass to help us become the best version of ourselves, whether within our family or when managing outside influences.
They strengthen family bonds and create a shared identity, This fosters a sense of family unity and belonging that makes the home more harmonious.
Family values provide emotional support. They create a support system that stands strong through challenges, making the family a safe haven. They emphasize compassion and support, ensuring that no one faces their struggles alone.
5 STEPS TO CHOOSING FAMILY VALUES
Sitting down as a family and coming up with a list of values is a healthy exercise. As an introduction, you may choose to touch upon values during a meal when all are present. This could be a quick reference to something your family does or believes in. For example, “I was thinking about how our family……. That is something I am really proud of. Can you think of a time when we……. (refers to the stated value)..
STEP 1: Hold a Family Meeting and Begin Brainstorming
Family values are to be reflective of the family as a unit, so it is important that all members participate. The values decided upon will then mean something to everyone in the family, not just the adults.
Begin brainstorming! Use large chart paper or a whiteboard to write your list so everyone can see it. Write everything down. Anything that is important for the health and well-being of your family should be a part of your family's list. You can go back and narrow the list later. The first family meeting is about collaborative brainstorming.
If you don't know where to start, look at how you spend family time. Where we spend our time and energy often reflects what we value.
The following questions can also help:
Looking Inward
What words or phrases best describe our family?
What is most important to our family?
What are the strengths of our family?
What do we want to say we accomplished as a family?
Looking Outward
What qualities do we value in other families, celebrities, or friends?
What do we want to model for others?What stories have we read or watched that encourage us to adopt certain values, and what are those values?
Looking Back
Growing up, what did your family do well?
Which of those values do you continue to embrace?
When the initial list is finished, allow time for everyone to think about it for a while before reconvening.
STEP 2: Next Family Meeting: Develop Your Final List
Your final list should have a manageable number of values.
Five to ten is workable, though you can have more. You will find that many values are similar or fall under larger categories.
Choose words that best communicate each value to your family.
If your family is creative or artsy, you can decorate your list.
STEP 3: Display Your List
Hang it somewhere where the family can see it everyday.
Use your family's list of values as a teaching tool. Refer to it when you witness both appropriate and inappropriate behavior, as this creates alignment of values and actions.
STEP 4: Rewrite your list as necessary. It may evolve over time, just as your family changes.
STEP 5: Write a Family Motto that addresses your core family values.
A family motto is a short phrase or slogan that generalizes your family’s beliefs and values.
A strong family motto communicates that “this is who we are as a family,” expressing unity and demonstrating to children that they are part of something meaningful.
It helps kids understand how to treat others and the environment around them.
Family mottos do not list all of your values. Rather, they focus on the two or three most important ones.
Many begin with introductory statements, such as, “In our family… or ” “We believe….” others are short phrases, as below.
Be creative! There are many ways to create a phrase that reflects and bonds your family. Choose one that best reflects your family’s values.
Sample phrases for mottos:
Always there to always care
Always loving and supporting each other no matter what
Strive to show kindness
Respect everyone's perspective
Love, honesty, and trust
We value empathy and understanding
We show strength through our thoughtful words
We won't succeed without trying our best
Learning and growing every day
Families share, families care
Be kind every time
Be helpful, be honest, be happy
The [last name] family never gives up
We’re always better together
How do we instill family values?
The more conscious you are of the values you want to instill in your children, the more likely it is that your values will be communicated and adopted.
Verbal
Talk explicitly about your values. Discuss what they mean and why they are important. Kids do not always understand what words mean - helping them see what a value looks like is helpful.
Praise your children when they demonstrate a family value
Refer to the list you displayed when challenges arise.
Acknowledge and apologize when your actions or words do not demonstrate upholding a value.
Recognize and use teachable moments that occur in daily life.
Point out examples of your values in the media (or ask your children what value a character is demonstrating) when watching movies or shows, in songs, etc. With older children, talk about difficult situations in the news and ask your children how they would respond based on family values.
Share your family stories and traditions that demonstrate values you want to instill.
Non Verbal
Be a positive role model
Show affection for family members through your actions
Create traditions that reflect your family values (This can be as simple as eating together or more involved centered around holidays you celebrate).
Encourage independence and responsibility
Volunteer as a family
Find activities, projects, trips, community involvement, etc. that align with your family values. This is important because two families may have the same values but will express them in different ways.
SAMPLE FAMILY VALUES
Acceptance
Accountability
Adaptability
Awareness
Balance
Boldness
Bravery
Commitment
Communication
Compassion
Competence
Confidence
Contribution
Cooperation
Courage
Courtesy
Creativity
Curiosity
Dedication
Dependability
Determination
Devotion
Dignity
Diversity
Empathy
Equality
Ethics
Exploration
Fairness
Faith
Family
Fitness
Forgiveness
Friendship
Fun
Generosity
Goodness
Grace
Gratitude
Growth-mindedness
Happiness
Hard Work
Health
Honesty
Honor
Humility
Humor
Imagination
Independence
Individuality
Integrity
Joy
Justice
Kindness
Knowledge
Learning
Loyalty
Love
Open-mindedness
Optimism
Organization
Originality
Passion
Patience
Peace
Playfulness
Positivity
Quality Time
Respect
Responsibility
Self-awareness
Self-reliance
Service
Sharing
Sincerity
Spirituality
Stability
Support
Teamwork
Thoughtfulness
Timeliness
Trust
Understanding
Uniqueness
Well-being
