Reframe, Reflect, and Revive
2021 is here, and it is time to think a bit differently. How will you embrace the new year in a way that works for you and your family? I offer three suggestions that can make a difference in your family’s life.
#1: Develop or reframe routines that are part of your family’s day. When living in a less structured environment, we often lose our sense of routine. When I taught, I used to tell my students that the unstructured events or activities required them to be more focused. It is not so different with families. Routines are key to making life predictable, which in turn, helps children understand and meet expectations. Routines also help adults feel a sense of accomplishment and control, not an ongoing series of just doing things.
Routines reflect how your family operates its daily activities - what your children do when they first wake up, how meals are managed, playtime, family time, bath, and bedtime. Of course, flexibility is needed as our days do not always flow in a mechanical way. Maybe your child needs to bathe before dinner rather than after since she played in the park or sandbox. Maybe an unexpected appointment causes dinner to be a little later. Some things are unavoidable; however, having routines in place helps set expectations, even when challenges occur.
#2: Participation in the family is important for all children. Starting as young as toddlerhood, children crave control over aspects of their lives. This continues as they grow and peaks again in the middle and high school years. How can you offer developmentally appropriate choices to your children that offer them some control? For our youngest kids, this can be a choice between two shirts or tops to wear, which book or toy they want to hold when changing a diaper. Rather than make events like these battlegrounds, offering some choice allows your child to participate with less resistance.
Participation also includes contributing to the family through chores. It is never too early to engage your children in helping clean up after themselves. Once a child starts sitting up in a high chair, he can help clean his place (though you will need to follow up). Helping your child learn to put toys away addresses both a routine and contribution. Starting such habits young is best, though it really is never too late. There are many opportunities to engage your middle and high school aged children in family life. Reflect on your daily routines, and consider where your children can be a part. Having a conversation and seeking their input can work wonders. Providing such opportunities can make a huge difference in your family and sets the stage for development of internal motivation.
#3: Engage in Self- care. Living through a pandemic is not easy on any of us - health care workers, cashiers and clerks, first responders, and those who have had to fashion makeshift offices at home. Each situation comes with its own challenges. If we had anything in common in 2020, it was just that - we all faced COVID-19 in our own way with its unique adversities.
So, what can we do to make life more enjoyable as we continue through what is predicted to be a harsh winter, even with its bright spot of vaccines?
Engage in self-care. We can’t be our best for others if we are not in a good place ourselves. With current restrictions, self-care may take on a different meaning for you - massages may be out, replaced by relaxing home care routines and internet videos of yoga and pilates. It may mean taking up a long-lost passion or engaging in a new hobby. Our creative spirit may show itself in many ways, which can be an outlet for pent up energy or a source of relaxation. Providing time for yourself - even a short time each day can allow you the headspace you need to be present for others. A quote that resonates with me is, “Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your children.” childinmindny.com
Our kids’ lives have been impacted, too. They are growing up in a world of FaceTime, Zoom, and masks. School is different, and activities are restrained. Children are quite perceptive and pick up on our emotions, so it is important to recognize that your anxiety can transfer to them. That is not to say we cannot be human; it means we need to take care of ourselves so we are sensitive to how we engage with our kids when we are with them for extended periods of time. Help your children develop strategies for managing challenges, too. Taking a breath can be taught to kids as young as one. Engaging in exercise, even simple stretching, can relieve some of their energy or frustration.
Creating routines so everyone knows what to expect, developing ways for children to contribute to the family, and engaging in self care for you and your children are three ways that can help 2021 begin smoothly.
As a parent coach, I see the value when parents do just this. Seeking support to help navigate the challenges of today’s world is one way to ensure that your family life runs more smoothly and has more joy. I invite you to contact me for a free 30 minute consultation to explore ways your family life can be enhanced.
Here’s to healthy, safe, and enjoyable family lives!
Denise
